neuralgraffiti

As requested by GG, all the things that Barack Obama has done for you (hipster edition):
Barack Obama MCed your party
Barack Obama aired up your tires
Barack Obama always lets you draft
Barack Obama autographed your Moleskine
Barack Obama bartended your party
Barack Obama bought you a PBR
Barack Obama bought you a PBR and a shot
Barack Obama bought you a burrito
Barack Obama bought you beer when you were 18
Barack Obama bought you neon Chucks for your birthday
Barack Obama brought the beer
Barack Obama can danse la poutine
Barack Obama carried you on a double century
Barack Obama cleaned your chain
Barack Obama covered your rent
Barack Obama danced with you until 7 am
Barack Obama designed the spoke card for your alleycat
Barack Obama designed your blog
Barack Obama designed your tattoo
Barack Obama developed your film
Barack Obama did a shot of Fernet with you
Barack Obama didn’t sleep with your ex-girlfriend
Barack Obama didn’t use the last of the toilet paper
Barack Obama doesn’t give you shit about your asian girlfriend
Barack Obama doesn’t rent women
Barack Obama drew your picture
Barack Obama drinks Blue Bottle
Barack Obama drove you home
Barack Obama edited your documentary
Barack Obama filmed your skid
Barack Obama flicked your bean
Barack Obama flossed
Barack Obama gave you Triple-X Vitamin Water
Barack Obama gave you a FFFFOUND invite
Barack Obama gave you an innertube
Barack Obama gave you good advice about boys
Barack Obama gave you good advice about girls
Barack Obama gave you his Nagasawa
Barack Obama gave you his VIP bracelet
Barack Obama gave you his extra Justice ticket
Barack Obama gave you his last Clif Shot when you were bonking
Barack Obama gave you his old PowerBook
Barack Obama gave you the sweetest hat
Barack Obama gets you
Barack Obama gifted you the skull bling
Barack Obama got her phone number for you
Barack Obama has pink skulls on his socks
Barack Obama has the Galaga high score
Barack Obama held onto your Nintendo collection when you were in France
Barack Obama held your hair back
Barack Obama held your stencil
Barack Obama hooked you up with his guy
Barack Obama invented the no-hands skid
Barack Obama is NJS
Barack Obama is OK calling it art
Barack Obama is bigger than MASH
Barack Obama is okay with your bicurious phase
Barack Obama is okay with your vegan phase
Barack Obama is the new white belt
Barack Obama is your wingman
Barack Obama knows where the afterparty is
Barack Obama lent you his f/1.4
Barack Obama lent you his handkerchief
Barack Obama lent you his lockring wrench
Barack Obama lent you his toothbrush
Barack Obama lent you his vocoder
Barack Obama let you bring your bicycle inside
Barack Obama let you crash on his sofa
Barack Obama let you get the good DJ slot
Barack Obama let you know when your fly was down
Barack Obama let you play drums in Rock Band
Barack Obama let you stand under his umbrella
Barack Obama let you use his discount
Barack Obama liked your homebrew
Barack Obama likes your face
Barack Obama linked your MP3
Barack Obama listened to you talk for hours about your ex
Barack Obama loves your mama
Barack Obama made you a really good electro mixtape
Barack Obama made you breakfast in the morning
Barack Obama made you his +1
Barack Obama made you some hyphy shit
Barack Obama made your party flyer
Barack Obama makes art with neon
Barack Obama meant it when he said he loves you
Barack Obama paid for your cab
Barack Obama paid your cover
Barack Obama photographed your opening
Barack Obama played Daft Punk to the rock kids
Barack Obama promoted your electro party
Barack Obama put your art in his gallery
Barack Obama put your song on his MySpace
Barack Obama pwned you in Guitar Hero
Barack Obama remembers the 80s
Barack Obama remixed your song
Barack Obama rocks gold Sambas
Barack Obama rocks riser bars
Barack Obama rolled Phil and Aerospoke in 1998
Barack Obama rolled you a cigarette
Barack Obama rolls double straps
Barack Obama sold you his Campy cranks
Barack Obama sponsored your jersey
Barack Obama submitted your film to the Bicycle Film Festival
Barack Obama talked to you in Japanese
Barack Obama taught you how to shave that annoying spot behind your knee
Barack Obama thinks your sideburns are hyphy
Barack Obama thinks your stylist is hot
Barack Obama threw a whip skid
Barack Obama took off your brake
Barack Obama took you to the Helvetica movie
Barack Obama tore shit up
Barack Obama trackstands on your bar
Barack Obama traded clothes with you
Barack Obama trued your wheel
Barack Obama understands how you feel
Barack Obama was your art school TA
Barack Obama was your roommate in Williamsburg
Barack Obama wears Marc Jacobs
Barack Obama wears skinny jeans
Barack Obama will PayPal you
Barack Obama won the Thriller dance-off
Barack Obama won your alleycat
Barack Obama wrapped your handlebar tape
Barack Obama wrote lyrics about you

Now, by my count, there are now three of these bicycle sites. So here, for your reading enjoyment, is a master list of EVERYTHING (after the cut):

Barack Obama DJed your party
Barack Obama Googles your inner thoughts
Barack Obama Googles your name
Barack Obama LOLs at your joke
Barack Obama MCed your party
Barack Obama RTFM
Barack Obama Rickrolls you
Barack Obama accepted your friend request
Barack Obama accidentally squished Crazy Frog
Barack Obama added “thanks for nothing” to the end of your animated bear video
Barack Obama added you as a friend
Barack Obama agrees to your terms of service
Barack Obama aired up your tires
Barack Obama always lets you draft
Barack Obama applies directly to your forehead
Barack Obama are belong to us
Barack Obama asks a ninja
Barack Obama ate your balls
Barack Obama autographed your Moleskine
Barack Obama awaits the coming zombie apocalypse
Barack Obama badger badger badger mushroom mushroom snake
Barack Obama baked you a pie
Barack Obama bakes you some Neiman Marcus cookies
Barack Obama bartended your party
Barack Obama beats both pirates and ninjas in a fight
Barack Obama bookmarked your website
Barack Obama bought you a PBR
Barack Obama bought you a PBR and a shot
Barack Obama bought you a burrito
Barack Obama bought you beer when you were 18
Barack Obama bought you candy
Barack Obama bought you neon Chucks for your birthday
Barack Obama bought your Threadless t-shirt
Barack Obama brings the knowledge
Barack Obama brought the beer
Barack Obama built you a robot
Barack Obama bumps your thread
Barack Obama came to see your play
Barack Obama can danse la poutine
Barack Obama can do anything at zombo.com
Barack Obama can has cheezburger
Barack Obama can’t bear oceans
Barack Obama carried you on a double century
Barack Obama carried your bookbag
Barack Obama carries a picture of you in his wallet
Barack Obama challenged you to a movie quiz
Barack Obama cleaned your chain
Barack Obama collects AOL install discs
Barack Obama considered harmful
Barack Obama consumes your RSS feed
Barack Obama covered your rent
Barack Obama danced with you until 7 am
Barack Obama dances like that baby
Barack Obama dedicated a song to you
Barack Obama demonstrates the evolution of dance
Barack Obama designed the spoke card for your alleycat
Barack Obama designed your blog
Barack Obama designed your tattoo
Barack Obama developed your film
Barack Obama did a shot of Fernet with you
Barack Obama didn’t sleep with your ex-girlfriend
Barack Obama didn’t use the last of the toilet paper
Barack Obama does not want
Barack Obama does the hampster dance
Barack Obama doesn’t know what Web 2.0 means
Barack Obama doesn’t talk about Fight Club
Barack Obama doesn’t give you shit about your asian girlfriend
Barack Obama doesn’t rent women
Barack Obama doubles down on eleven
Barack Obama downgrades from Vista to XP
Barack Obama drew your picture
Barack Obama drew your picture in the sand
Barack Obama drinks Blue Bottle
Barack Obama drinks your milkshake
Barack Obama drives a hybrid car
Barack Obama drops Mentos into Diet Coke
Barack Obama drove you home
Barack Obama dugg your post
Barack Obama edited your documentary
Barack Obama emailed your dad and told him how great you are
Barack Obama equals crazy delicious
Barack Obama eschews whitespace as syntax
Barack Obama escorted your gramma across the street
Barack Obama favorited your photo
Barack Obama filmed your skid
Barack Obama finds your lack of faith disturbing
Barack Obama fixed your car
Barack Obama flames your post
Barack Obama flicked your bean
Barack Obama flips out like a ninja
Barack Obama flossed
Barack Obama folded you an origami crane
Barack Obama folded your laundry
Barack Obama followed you on twitter
Barack Obama for one, welcomes our new robotic overlords
Barack Obama found a Y2K bug in your software
Barack Obama freed Kevin Mitnik
Barack Obama games your system
Barack Obama gave you Triple-X Vitamin Water
Barack Obama gave you a FFFFOUND invite
Barack Obama gave you a puppy
Barack Obama gave you an innertube
Barack Obama gave you good advice about boys
Barack Obama gave you good advice about girls
Barack Obama gave you his Nagasawa
Barack Obama gave you his VIP bracelet
Barack Obama gave you his extra Justice ticket
Barack Obama gave you his last Clif Shot when you were bonking
Barack Obama gave you his old PowerBook
Barack Obama gave you the sweetest hat
Barack Obama gets you
Barack Obama gets your war on
Barack Obama gifted you the skull bling
Barack Obama got her phone number for you
Barack Obama grooves to Chocolate Rain
Barack Obama has 800 words for snow
Barack Obama has a balloon for you
Barack Obama has a crush on Obama
Barack Obama has chaotic neutral alignment
Barack Obama has meme, will travel
Barack Obama has pink skulls on his socks
Barack Obama has seen Cory without his sunglasses
Barack Obama has the Galaga high score
Barack Obama held onto your Nintendo collection when you were in France
Barack Obama held your hair back
Barack Obama held your hand when you were frightened
Barack Obama held your stencil
Barack Obama helped you move a sofa
Barack Obama hides a reference to Dopefish in a video game
Barack Obama hijacks your thread
Barack Obama hooked you up with his guy
Barack Obama invented the Flux Capacitor
Barack Obama invented the no-hands skid
Barack Obama invokes Godwin’s law
Barack Obama is AFK
Barack Obama is Batman
Barack Obama is CowboyNeal
Barack Obama is DRM free
Barack Obama is Fake Steve Jobs
Barack Obama is NJS
Barack Obama is NSFW
Barack Obama is OK calling it art
Barack Obama is SaaS
Barack Obama is Sparta
Barack Obama is a Nigerian prince
Barack Obama is a cam whore
Barack Obama is a microformat
Barack Obama is a series of tubes
Barack Obama is a snowclone
Barack Obama is actually Lonelygirl15
Barack Obama is afraid of velociraptors
Barack Obama is bigger than MASH
Barack Obama is frist!
Barack Obama is in a maze of twisty passages, all alike
Barack Obama is in your [blank], [blank]ing your [blank]
Barack Obama is like a box of chocolates
Barack Obama is likely to be eaten by a Grue
Barack Obama is never gonna give you up
Barack Obama is okay with your bicurious phase
Barack Obama is okay with your vegan phase
Barack Obama is only two degrees from Kevin Bacon
Barack Obama is open source
Barack Obama is part of your extended network
Barack Obama is sick of Ron Paul spam
Barack Obama is soaking in it
Barack Obama is standing in an open field west of a white house
Barack Obama is technoviking
Barack Obama is the man now, dog
Barack Obama is the new white belt
Barack Obama is through being cool
Barack Obama is your new bicycle
Barack Obama is your new bicycle
Barack Obama is your wingman
Barack Obama kickbans you from the channel
Barack Obama kills a kitten every time you masturbate
Barack Obama kisses you
Barack Obama knows every fact about Chuck Norris
Barack Obama knows that it will blend
Barack Obama knows that step three is profit
Barack Obama knows the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything
Barack Obama knows where the afterparty is
Barack Obama laughed at your joke
Barack Obama left a comment on your blog
Barack Obama lent you his f/1.4
Barack Obama lent you his handkerchief
Barack Obama lent you his jacket
Barack Obama lent you his lockring wrench
Barack Obama lent you his toothbrush
Barack Obama lent you his vocoder
Barack Obama let you bring your bicycle inside
Barack Obama let you crash on his sofa
Barack Obama let you get the good DJ slot
Barack Obama let you know when your fly was down
Barack Obama let you play drums in Rock Band
Barack Obama let you stand under his umbrella
Barack Obama let you use his discount
Barack Obama liked your homebrew
Barack Obama likes turtles
Barack Obama likes your face
Barack Obama linked your MP3
Barack Obama listened to you talk for hours about your ex
Barack Obama listened to your mp3
Barack Obama lives next door to your mum
Barack Obama looks you up on Snopes
Barack Obama loves those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling
Barack Obama loves your laugh
Barack Obama loves your mama
Barack Obama lurks in your forum
Barack Obama made a Line Rider that looks like your mom
Barack Obama made an ASCII portrait of you
Barack Obama made up your bed
Barack Obama made you a mixtape
Barack Obama made you a really good electro mixtape
Barack Obama made you breakfast in the morning
Barack Obama made you his +1
Barack Obama made you some hyphy shit
Barack Obama made your party flyer
Barack Obama mailed you a valentine
Barack Obama makes art with neon
Barack Obama meant it when he said he loves you
Barack Obama misses Hot Wired
Barack Obama misses The Show with Ze Frank
Barack Obama misses the HD format war
Barack Obama named an MMORPG character after you
Barack Obama needs more cowbell
Barack Obama offered you his seat
Barack Obama paid for your cab
Barack Obama paid your cover
Barack Obama paid your speeding ticket
Barack Obama parsed your error
Barack Obama personally believes such as Iraq or to make better South Africa
Barack Obama photographed your opening
Barack Obama picked you up at the airport
Barack Obama played Daft Punk to the rock kids
Barack Obama plays the Super Mario Bros. theme
Barack Obama posts a comment on your blog
Barack Obama poured you a cup of coffee
Barack Obama predicts Apple will release a tablet at their next event
Barack Obama prepares for the unexpected unexpecteds
Barack Obama promoted your electro party
Barack Obama put your art in his gallery
Barack Obama put your name in an XFN tag
Barack Obama put your song on his MySpace
Barack Obama puts bulldogs on skateboards
Barack Obama puts each brace on its own line
Barack Obama puts snakes on a plane
Barack Obama puts the lotion in the bucket
Barack Obama puts your junk in a box
Barack Obama pwned you in Guitar Hero
Barack Obama pwns you
Barack Obama raped your childhood
Barack Obama reads 2600
Barack Obama reads Dysfunctional Family Circus
Barack Obama reads The Onion to you before bed
Barack Obama really tied the room together
Barack Obama recited a poem that reminded him of you
Barack Obama relates to what you are saying
Barack Obama remembered your birthday
Barack Obama remembers the 80s
Barack Obama remixed your song
Barack Obama requires your password
Barack Obama rescued you from drowning
Barack Obama respects your opinion
Barack Obama rocks gold Sambas
Barack Obama rocks riser bars
Barack Obama rolled Phil and Aerospoke in 1998
Barack Obama rolled you a cigarette
Barack Obama rolls double straps
Barack Obama said he really wanted to meet you
Barack Obama sang you the happy birthday song on your voicemail
Barack Obama saved Toby
Barack Obama saved his dessert for you
Barack Obama sent you flowers
Barack Obama set your voice as his ringtone
Barack Obama shot Greedo first
Barack Obama shot the paparazzi
Barack Obama skated here all the way from the beach just to see you
Barack Obama slashdotted your web site
Barack Obama smiled when he heard me mention your name
Barack Obama sold you his Campy cranks
Barack Obama spent the afternoon setting up your router
Barack Obama sponsored your jersey
Barack Obama stabs you in the FACE
Barack Obama startles the Dramatic Prairie Dog
Barack Obama submitted your film to the Bicycle Film Festival
Barack Obama subscribed to your feed
Barack Obama subscribes to your podcast
Barack Obama summers in the Uncanny Valley
Barack Obama switches to the Mac
Barack Obama synchronizes to Swatch Internet Time
Barack Obama talked to you in Japanese
Barack Obama taught you how to shave that annoying spot behind your knee
Barack Obama taunts Happy Fun Ball
Barack Obama thinks Ruby is a ghetto
Barack Obama thinks Star Wars Kid was pretty cool
Barack Obama thinks bert is evil
Barack Obama thinks every YouTube video is teh sux0rz
Barack Obama thinks we’re gonna need a bigger boat
Barack Obama thinks you are cute
Barack Obama thinks your sideburns are hyphy
Barack Obama thinks your stylist is hot
Barack Obama thought you could use some chocolate
Barack Obama threw a whip skid
Barack Obama told me to tell you hello
Barack Obama took off when he heard you weren’t coming
Barack Obama took off your brake
Barack Obama took the Tubgirl photo
Barack Obama took you to the Helvetica movie
Barack Obama tore shit up
Barack Obama trackstands on your bar
Barack Obama traded clothes with you
Barack Obama trolls your forum
Barack Obama trued your wheel
Barack Obama types your CAPTCHAs for you
Barack Obama understands how you feel
Barack Obama unsubscribes from your mailing list
Barack Obama updated your computer on Patch Tuesday
Barack Obama votes ‘Hot’ on your photo
Barack Obama waiting in line for an iPhone
Barack Obama wanted you to have some cupcakes
Barack Obama wants mah bucket
Barack Obama wants you to join their network on LinkedIn
Barack Obama wants you to leave Britney alone
Barack Obama wants you to press F5
Barack Obama wants your Western Barbecue Burger
Barack Obama warmed up your car for you
Barack Obama was in the case in Pulp Fiction
Barack Obama was secretly replaced with Folgers Crystals
Barack Obama was the Tourist Guy
Barack Obama was your art school TA
Barack Obama was your roommate in Williamsburg
Barack Obama watches 2 girls 1 cup with you
Barack Obama watches Chad Vader with you
Barack Obama waves kthxbye
Barack Obama wears Marc Jacobs
Barack Obama wears skinny jeans
Barack Obama will BBIAM
Barack Obama will PayPal you
Barack Obama wishes I knew how to quit you
Barack Obama won the Thriller dance-off
Barack Obama won your alleycat
Barack Obama won’t link to goatse.cx
Barack Obama won’t tase you, bro
Barack Obama wonders O RLY?
Barack Obama worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Barack Obama wrapped your handlebar tape
Barack Obama wrote lyrics about you
Barack Obama wrote on your FunWall
Barack Obama wrote on your SuperWall
Barack Obama wrote something nice about you on the wiki